Weird Science


As you can see, I rarely give any application what iPhone Gaming International Magazine* calls the “dreaded AppNapp :(  review” most developers fear. Why? Because many developers work hard on their applications and it’d be mean to tell them how shitty it is. Sure, it’d be truthful, but it’d also be mean.



I won’t name any names, but there are several applications available that allow your phone to go off if someone touches it. To me, this is silly. The only person I could see using this would be the loud, fat girl that works in an office and brings everyone donuts. We’ve all come across a woman like this at some point in our lives. She’s super friendly, knows everything about everyone, talks your ass off and tells you about her pets all day long. When she hears some news about someone, BOOM!, she’s at your desk telling you all about it even though you’re on the phone. If someone gets hurt or has to go to the hospital, she acts as though it’s her own family that’s hurt. She hangs out with all the more attractive girls but in all honesty, they’d rather her sit at the bar. On days that you’re in a somewhat unpleasant mood, you tell her you’re really busy and she almost takes offense to it…like you told her she’s a fat bitch. You know who I’m talking about. I could see a girl like that buying this kind of application, purposely using it to gain attention from coworkers. She’d set up the application, purposely place it on her desk in a position she knows someone will hit it, and then talk nonstop about her new iPhone and how it’s “just the coolest thing ever”. Honestly, besides you, who else would pick up your phone?! How often do you reach over and grab someone’s phone?! I never touch anything that doesn’t belong to me. And when I do, I ask the person directly the most common phrase we all have grown to love, “hey man, can I see that?”. Maybe I was raised differently.

Another application that I find silly is the Cam Viewer for SecuritySpy. Don’t get me wrong, if you work in security and need to know who’s jacking into someone’s car to steal their 250+ CD collection that they’ve had since High School and before the time that they had enough money to buy an iPod *cough*cough*, then something like this is certainly useful. But of the eleven people that have reviewed this application, I place my bet that they’re all psycho serial killers. They all have someone locked in their basements, clawing to get out, but thanks to this application, they can keep’em locked up. It’s disturbing. I can see what they really wanna write is,

“Great App!! Works like a charm!! The only reason I give it 4 stars instead of 5 is that there’s a little bit of a lag. Richard, the guy I doped up and kidnapped from the bar, almost escaped yesterday had I not realized he was using a pair of fingernail clippers. Is there any way you could pick up the lag time? Other than that, it’s a truly useful application. THANKS!!”  

Maybe I’ve been watching too much Dexter lately, but this is the vibe I got when I read the reviews. To those in the security line of work, perhaps this is useful. To those creepy people that have cameras in their homes you need to get a life. There was a guy in my dorm at college that got busted using a camera to spy on his coed neighbors. I wonder where he is today? Actually, I don’t. I’m sure he’s in jail…sick little bastard.


AppNapp :(    



*There is no magazine that I know of like this. I make shit up…haven’t you learned? :)

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