Flower

Rubberbands

 

My mother moved a lot when I was in high school. Unfortunately, we moved to a city where I got picked on by this guy named John and all his buddies. They were relentless when it came to harassing me. It wasn’t until our kind neighbor, a man fascinated by bonsai trees, did I learn how to stick up for myself.

What he taught me, to this day, has been priceless. He taught me the martial arts karahtaye (pronounced “karate”). And with that skill, I learned how to be quick on my toes and mentally sharp (remind me to tell you of how I escaped a Halloween party dressed as a shower next time I see you…hilarious). Last night, my family decided to go to the theater and checkout Valkyrie (I don’t recommend it, but it’s not a bad movie). It was then that I discovered the one and only reason to have a lighter application on your phone (besides lighting your candy cigarettes). Say your family or friends wanna go to the movies. You’re saving a seat for your best friend Darius but he’s running late because he enjoys putting rubberbands around his nutsack. You call him and he says, “Dude! I only have like, 20 more to remove. Just gimme 10 more minutes and I’ll be right there”. You hang up in frustration knowing that he’s lying and probably won’t be there until at least 15 minutes. So you quietly sit there, eating your popcorn and guessing all the wrong answers to the cute little questions the screen projects at you. The lights dim, everyone turns off their cellphones, babies stop crying and everyone respects the others around them by remaining as quiet as humanly possible (yeah right). Sure enough, in walks Darius with a lost look on his face and a large drink in his hand. He desperately tries to make out the faces he sees, wondering if you decided to leave him for being so damn late. It’s at this moment that you lift your phone up to reveal a small lighter. Darius, recognizes your iPhone and with a great wave of relief, stumbles up the stairs and on the toes of the people sitting next to you. “Sorry I’m late man…my mom bought me the jumbo pack for my birthday” he says, half excited half burdened. You smile and nod and the two of you spend the rest of the evening enjoying the show.

Last night my brother was running late and of course, showed up after the lights went down. Out of an act of pure brilliance (being a Harvard graduate and all) I decided to use my lighter app to get his attention. It worked. This would be one reason I recommend you have such an app on your phone. Other than that, it’s just plain silly.

 

AppAttack :D

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