Tic Tac Toe


Let me take you back to my beloved High School days: It was the summer of ’96. Ska music was popular, Marilyn Manson had decided to freak everyone out, MTV was actually playing music videos, Dolly (the cloned sheep that would later return to kill her creators) was born and DVD’s had just arrived in Japan. It was fast moving times, but it was some good times.


My grades at the time, were doing incredibly poor. I tried to stay focused and learn what they taught me, but my love for Pogs just couldn’t be contained. I was the best in my class…unstoppable. It wasn’t until Professor Maddox, my English teacher, told me one evening over dinner that there’s bigger, better games that can be played. I laughed at him in disbelief. He patiently waited for his wife to leave the house to have her hair put in a pony tail (apparently she had an undiagnosed fear of rubber bands). As she told him she’d be back in 5 minutes, he quietly pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from his front pocket. “OK, honey! I’ll be here when you get back” he said in a loud professor’s voice. I’ll never forget that night. He held my face in both of his hands and said, “Boy, the game of Tic-Tac-Toe takes only an hour to learn but a lifetime to master”. It’s safe to say I was hooked from that day forward. He spent the next hour teaching me each and every angle of the game. By the time I retrieved my coat and the slice of apple pie his wife had given me, I was a true master of the game of Tic-Tac-Toe. A few weeks had passed when Professor Maddox pulled me aside in the hall to inform me of a Tic-Tac-Toe scholarship program the school was offering. I quickly ran to the Principal’s office and signed up. Defeating Tic-Tac-Toe players worldwide my claim to fame had finally arrived. In Tokyo I did a radio interview and won a cd. Germany held a press conference in my honor to ask me questions and give me a sandwich. Italy featured me in their hit publication TTT For Beginners and in Miami, Florida a young (may I say attractive?) girl stopped me on the street to ask what time it was. I had never known such fame and popularity before. It was unbelievable. After defeating Gordon Ronalds in the 5th inning of the Tic-Tac-Toe International Competition, I was home free with a brand new scholarship to Perrywell’s School For Girls. It was a tough battle to fight, but looking back, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Alright, seriously, who the hell plays Tic-Tac-Toe anymore?! It’s the only game in the world where you learn how to play it and never wanna play it again. Growing up, we all hated the kid that would sit next to us at lunch and draw that ugly “#” symbol on a piece of paper saying, “here…you go first”. You didn’t wanna “go first” to begin with. By the time he drew his little “o” you both knew where the game was heading and yet, continued to play. Then when the “cat one”(WTF?), you go about ruining a piece of paper with a bunch of ugly x’s and o’s. I hate the game. If you’re one of the 4 people out there that do enjoy the horrible game, I’d recommend Tic Tac Free. But keep in mind: once you’re partner puts down that first little “x” you’re going to keep playing the game until one of you truthfully admits Tic Tac Toe SUCKS!


AppNapp :(

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