I’m a loner, Dottie.

Most people don’t know this about me but I’m a rebel. I’m crazy. I’m a wild man at a party you don’t wanna attend. When people tell me not to do something, I always do it. A mad man on the prowl, I’m fearless. When someone says, “Don’t walk on the grass”, I LAY in it. When people say “Don’t cross the street without looking both ways”, I cross the street blindfolded on my BARE HANDS. When someone says, “Don’t sit in that chair, the paint’s still wet” you’ll catch me walking down the street butt-naked covered in blue. If someone tells me, “Don’t stick your pinky in that elephant’s butthole” I’ll be picking peanut shells out of it’s teeth. I’ve always been a crazy kinda guy. It’s just who I am…it’s in my blood.

So when my cousin Randall told me not to download We Rule (iTunes) because it’s addictive, I downloaded it, put it on my iPhone, deleted it, and then downloaded it again. They don’t teach you this in school, son. And I’ll be the first to admit, Randall was right. We Rule is a surprisingly addictive little free game that bites you in the ass when you least expect it. It being free, I had to take a shot at it. And I’m glad I did…shockingly, I’ve been playing the game daily ever since it’s release. Now, I’ve never played Farmville (and I secretly shout profanities at my friends when I check Facebook because I could give a rat’s ass that they found some stupid cow on their farm. And no, you can’t trade rat’s asses on Farmville so don’t even look) but I assume We Rule plays on the same premises. You start off with a modest little fortress and work your way to a full-blown kingdom that would make Tinkerbell jealous. By raising crops and creating businesses your friends can purchase a variety of things from, you make money and upgrade bit by bit. Crops grow in real time so if you know you’ll be having lunch at noon and can afford to check on them while your coworkers talk your ear off about how that fat bitch Borisha is nothing but a slut that has slept her way to the top and the only reason her desk is nicer than anyone else’s is because she wears that skanky looking top that offers any guy that happens to look her way a slight glance of her nipple which, if you really look at it, is kind of a funny color. She probably should have it looked at but who knows, she might end up having sex with her dermatologist and not ever finding real results which may in fact, help her in the future, it’d be a good time to plant the pumpkins because they grow in three hours and it’s only 9am. The one problem that I found somewhat difficult for others is that you have to have online friends in order to advance in the game. Most people who play simple games like We Rule probably don’t have a lot of friends they know online, so if none of their real life friends have the game, they most likely won’t continue playing it. If you happen to be one of these people, hit me up on Twitter and I’ll be your friend. Hell, you can visit my awesome castle and we can have cocoa while throwing marshmallows at the lowly peasants down below. We Rule is certainly a fun game I encourage you to try. You can purchase what the game calls “mojo” to advance quicker in the game but I wouldn’t recommend it. I’ve gotten far enough a long in the game without paying one cent. However, because I like the game, I may throw a dollar their way to show my support. The woman next to me just told me “not to proofread out loud because this is a library and you’re suppose to be quiet”. I’m gonna go have sex with the card catalog…

AppAttack :D

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