Flower

Driving Miss Lazy

As you all know, Grandma drinks a lot so I’m most often a designated driver. She also can’t see over the steering wheel unless she’s sitting on 4 phone books so this also is a detriment. Grandma loves playing tricks on just about anyone that crosses her path. They’re not mean tricks mind you, but they’re somewhat evil tricks nonetheless. For example, Monday I had to pick her up from our local school playground. She was getting a little rough with the children playing there and it was my job to break it up. What’d she do? Well, she enjoys drinking about a liter of vodka while feeding the pigeons that haunt the location. About half way through the bottle she gets a little rowdy. I had received a phone call from a stranger who happened to grab Grandma’s cellphone that had fallen out of her pants. Apparently, she was cussing at any school children who wouldn’t challenge her on the teeter totter (the majority of children these days outweigh my grandmother and of course, she gets offended by this). When I had arrived at the playground, she had one child in a headlock and was kicking another child who was on the ground playing with his toys. A half hour later I had her in the backseat, tied down with two different sets of seat belts (she never goes quietly). As we drove off she asked that we go to the local church for her to pray for her evil ways. I obliged but, not knowing the area, asked that she give me directions. Having full faith in my dear sweet grandmother I listened to her every order. Twenty minutes later I started to believe that she had no clue where this church was. “Shut up and listen to me, you asshole” she yelled from the backseat. “I’m your grandmother…would I lie to you? Now keep going, were almost there”. By the time she asked me to make a right turn I knew exactly where we were headed. “Dammit all to hell” she growled from behind me. “I guess their parents have picked them all up” she quietly whispered under her breath. “Ah well, I’ll see those little bastards Monday I guess. Take me to the liquor store, I’m outta vodka again”.

MotionX GPS Drive (iTunes) is a GPS navigation app that I (thankfully) found this past weekend. Why do I say “thankfully”? Because I was about to blow close to (or even over) a hundred dollars had I not been thrifty. I’ve always wanted a GPS navigation kit in my car but I just don’t wanna spend a lot of money on one (nor would I ever use it as I seldom leave my grandmother’s van). For three bucks I thought I’d take the leap and pick this app up. Honestly, I’m pretty impressed by all it has to offer. You get 30 days free to try out the voice option, after that I think it’s only a few dollars or maybe twenty five for a whole year. (I’m too lazy to check after typing that bastard of a paragraph above…I hope you at least were slightly amused). One problem I have is that you literally have to put in the address you’re looking for. With copy & paste this is easily remedied but I wish there was an easier way. So far, it’s taken me to my friend’s house and my office with useful directions and I got to see myself as a little triangle (in which I pretend I’m driving a spaceship amongst boring vehicles. Easily amused…I know). For three dollars it may save you the heartache of spending a weeks worth of groceries on one app so I’d say check it out.

AppAttack :D

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