Flower

Archive for May, 2009

Lie to Me

 

I’m going to try and make this a short post because, honestly, I’m really excited about this app and could go on and on about it. I’ve always had a “gift” for reading people’s body language. I’m good at getting a certain “vibe” from people and learning a thing or two from it. Being in a certain predicament that I’m in at the moment, I wanted to really learn more about body language and how subtle hints give way to what people are really thinking and doing. So like anyone (including Oprah’s dog) I asked my friends on Twitter if there are any good books available that could help me. One friend told me to pick up the book “The Definitive Book of Body Language” by Alan and Barbara Pease. I read the book in a matter of days…absolutely loved it. When telling my friends of all the new information I’ve learned, my friend Brian said, “Dude get me a beer”. And then he said, “Man, you need to watch Lie to Me (iTunes link)”. I caught an episode on television and then instantly downloaded the series via iTunes. The show’s based on Paul Ekman’s studies of rapid facial movements and of course, lying. I’m currently devouring more books I won’t bore you with here but like the commercial says, “there’s an app for that”.

 

 

Body Talk (iTunes link) is an application that makes you piss yourself when you see it. Alright, I pissed myself when I saw it. It contains almost everything I’ve been reading about regarding body language. You simply scroll around looking for the gesture you just saw, look at the picture they have provided OR (and this is the cool part) you can watch a short clip in action (what’s really nice is that you stay in the app and are not taken to some website…I hate when apps do that).

 

 

And to top it all off, it contains a book that also is launched in the application itself. I’ve only read the introduction but it seems like a worthy read if you’re new to body language. I’m really excited that I have this information on my phone and can study “on the go”. I could go on and on but I won’t. I need to do some more studying.

 

AppAttack :D  

Relapse

 

I mentioned on Twitter recently how disgusted and offended I was by Eminem’s new album Relapse (iTunes link). Well, I take it back. I’m actually really enjoying this cd. There’s a few songs here that are completely, utterly and amazingly disgusting but there are a few catchy tracks too. I take back my criticism because after much thinking/debating I realized that hardly ANY artist today pushes the envelope the way Eminem does here. He’s expected to be funny and satirical but instead, he’s put out an album that deals with violently disgusting acts. You gotta love artists that can still shock nowadays. I’m also looking forward to Marilyn Manson’s The High End of Low album that’s coming out tomorrow. Should be good stuff!!

 

AppAttack :D   

 

 

Ehh…why not?

 

Alright, I wasn’t going to write about SuicideGirls – Flip Strip (iTunes link) but now I feel the need to. It’s incredibly easy to make a large amount of jokes regarding this application. But instead of taking the low road, I thought I’d take the high one this time. Maybe someone reading this will gain a tiny ounce of confidence or feel somewhat better about themselves after I share with you my worldly wisdom that soon will be available for all to read at your local Barnes and Noble bookstore. (Yes, I’m being sarcastic. I do have a couple of ideas that would make a great book however, I just don’t wanna be one of “those people” at Starbucks).

 

Clothes on...

Clothes on...

 

 

Flip Strip is simple and explains everything in the description. Remember the pen Gramps brought home from his trip to Hawaii. It was a simply a woman in a bikini but when you held the pen upside down, her clothes went back on. (On a personal note, do they even make pens like that anymore? I need to find me one sometime). Anyways, this application works the same way. Right side up, the girls have clothes on; upside down, they’re in their undies.

 

 

Clothes off...

Clothes off...

 

So why even mention it? Because this app reminds me of strip clubs. And strip clubs remind me of women. And women remind of arrogant pricks. If you’re fresh out of a relationship, having been dumped because of reasons unknown or maybe you have your eye on a cute girl in one of your classes but you think she only likes the stuck up asshole types, you owe it to yourself to visit a strip club. Don’t get all dressed up as if you’re going on a date or trying to impress the ladies, go as yourself. When you get there, grab a beer and find a good table/booth where you can see the entire bar. Now sit back and pay attention to all the people around you. Notice the frustrated female bartender. Notice the bored-out-of-his-mind-I’m-going-to-kill-someone-soon bouncer. Notice the happy little DJ spinning in his own little booth, most likely zoned out on pot. Notice the girl(s) on stage with their discontented, “I’ve got better things to do, why am I here” look on her face. And finally, notice the tail wagging, I look so damn cool with my hat sideways, she must dig me because I went to the gym yesterday asshole desperately waiting to be acknowledged at the feet of the dancer. See that guy? THAT’S your competition. The arrogant prick that “all the ladies love” is spending his money and time at a strip club. The conceited douche at the gym that you think the ladies must adore…behind you at table #3. The guy that broke sweet Kelly’s heart because he cheated on her with Rachel? Probably in the bathroom trying to take a piss. I always forget to tell my friends to visit strip clubs when they get dumped. What better way to be reminded than to have it written here, on the web? You can learn a lot by visiting such a place and for some reason or other, I’d recommend it. I also would ask that you treat the women who work there with respect. It’s their job and they’re trying to make a living in a way not many of us would even think about. And one more thing before I go: if you really wanna piss off the asshole I previously mentioned, ask a girl to sit and chat with you. She won’t stay long because the manager will get upset but spend some time talking and getting to know her. Ask her personal questions, avoiding anything sexually related. You’ll be shocked to find out she’s actually human too?! ;)

Shift

 

Sometimes you’re sitting on your couch watching television and your roommate comes home covered in blood, holding a knife in his hand with an, “oh CRAP what did I just DO?!” look on his face. Being a good friend, you ask him what’s wrong and he gives you this long ass explanation of what happened when all you really want to know is why he’s wearing your favorite Saved by the Bell t-shirt. We’ve all been there. So instead of giving you a long ass explanation, I’m simply going to tell you: try this (iTunes link) game. If you happen to like it, you can purchase the whole game for a mere dollar here (iTunes link). I beat the game rather quickly so I don’t know if spending a dollar is the right thing to do or not. Then again, it’s like tipping a stripper.

 

AppAttack :D  

Gorillas and Sunsets

 

Donkey Kong Country was a video game that came out during my beloved high school days. It was ahead of it’s time graphically compared to any other game that was out at the time. The characters looked 3D along with the level with it’s thick, colorful textures. The gameplay itself was simple…pretty much like Super Mario Brothers and all the games that came before it. But the overall appearance of Donkey Kong Country, I think, is what made the game sell so many copies. (Anyone remember how the sunset happened at the end of the first level? Beautiful).

 

 

Toki Tori (iTunes link) is a rather expensive platform/puzzle game that I’ve had a lot of fun with. I’m only on level 8 at the moment but knowing there’s 72 levels to come, I don’t mind that I’ve spent 5. The idea is to rescue your fellow bird buddies and avoid bad guys along with making the right moves so that your character doesn’t get stuck. What I love most about the game are the graphics. The game reminds me of the good ol’ years when Grandma got her drivers license. What? You think I was going to say, “Donkey Kong Country”?! I’m already off that subject…jeez, stay with me genius.

 

AppAttack :D  

Nosey Neighbor

 

I know for a fact that someone in Oakland, California got pulled over this morning and their car was searched by the police. I know for a fact that an elderly woman in Denver, Colorado had respiratory problems. And I know for a fact that someone in New Jersey fell and couldn’t make it to the door of her apartment this afternoon. You’re wondering why I know so much? How could I possibly know what’s going on in three different places when I live in only one? Am I superhuman? (To which you reply, “Not really Michael. I’m just reading this because I decided to checkout your site. I’m pretty bored this afternoon and wondering when the hell you’re going to get to the point”). I know. 

 

 

Say whaaat?!

Say whaaat?!

 

While brushing my teeth this morning, I decided to see what apps are popular in iTunes. I came across Emergency Radio (iTunes Link) and let’s just say, it took me close to two hours getting dressed today. With this application you can listen to a BUNCH of police/fire fighting/paramedic emergency frequencies. I somewhat feel bad eavesdropping but you can’t help but wonder what’s going on. I’m evening listening to it now as I type this. Of course, it’s not anything as exciting as the movies would have you believe. But it’s interesting none the less.

 

AppAttack :D  

Boobjack 21

 

I’ve never truly been a fan of the Anime style of drawing. In college I had a classmate in one of my drawing classes and he LOVED Japanese Anime (I think that’s what you call it). He would always bring comic books and graphic novels to class and “borrow” from them to get ideas for his projects (who looked exactly like the books he brought in and he STILL made better grades than me…damn copy cat). I don’t see what’s appealing about women with really big, ball like eyes and boobs with slender, almost nonexistent stomaches. I also know that they make porn-like cartoons based on these images. So every time I saw the guy in class I wondered if he played with himself the night before to a cartoon. Creep.

 

"Art" gallery

"Art" Gallery

 

Rio BlackJack (iTunes link) is, you guessed it, a game of blackjack. It’s very simple and straightforward. Place your bet, deal the cards, win/lose. The whole interface is a big boobed/eyed woman that deals your cards quickly. The music gets repetitive and there’s not a whole lot of animation besides shuffling the cards and throwing them in your face. What I like most about this game is it’s “arcade” feel. There’s a little voice that shouts whether or not you “WIN” or “LOSE” and it sounds like it was taken from a video card game you’d play at some strip club on your way home from soccer practice. The motivation to keep playing is to unlock different pictures of the dealer in different attire. I thought I’d be cool and start with the first picture and work my way to the last…I was an idiot.

 

 

Stupid.

Stupid.

 

As you can see, I was robbed. If you like blackjack or jacking off to cartoon women, this app certainly deserves your money. If you just wanna “pick up and play” game this really is a steal at 99 cents. I like it a lot (and lose a lot)…I just won’t be playing it in public.

 

AppAttack :D  

Phriday Phun Pick

 

See what I just did? Instead of using an “f” in the title, I used “ph” which sounds like “f” but it’s NOT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! On Friday’s I’m CRAZY man…I live life on the EDGE!!! I’ll be all up in your Cheez Whiz with a nacho ninja lion attack KAZAAM! motherfucker!! Don’t mess with this!! Alright, sometimes even I don’t know what I’m saying. And because it’s Friday and the weekend is fast approaching (RIP Hedberg), I thought I’d post a picture of something funny. The following photograph was taken by my brother on a trip to San Francisco a few years ago. The guy holding the plants is actually a homeless guy. He would wait for an unsuspecting tourist to walk by and then “jump out” and scare them. What’s funny is that after he scared the living crap out of them, he would stick his hand out asking for change. THAT my friends, is how you can make money being homeless.

 

 

Boo!

Boo!

Watch Your Step by Step

 

If you’ve ever been to a large city (the one I live in only has 4 people and they are all family) then when I tell you that everyone’s faces are glued to their phones, you know what I’m talking about. They don’t look up or around for any reason whatsoever. You could yell, “Hey everybody!! That monkey stole my bean burrito!! Get him FAST before he gets in his car!!!” and not one person will look at you. It’s sad but that’s what technology can do to a person. If you’re one of these type of people then you’re going to wanna get Email n’ Walk (iTunes link). The application allows you to view whatever happens to be in front of you while walking/watching tv/taking a poo..etc. via your camera and write an email at the same time. I personally like it for viewing the girl in front of me’s butt while waiting in line for a bean burrito. I’m creepy like that.

 

AppAttack :D

 

Stopping Midstream

 

This morning when I woke up I really needed to piss and so I did…then I stopped. When I was eating breakfast I began chewing my granola bar…then I stopped. I was driving down the street to work…I stopped. When Glenda (our secretary) asked me how my morning was I told her about half a paragraphs worth…then stopped. When the first call of the morning came through, I picked up the phone and as I began moving it to my ear…I stopped. See where I’m going with this? Car Jack Streets (iTunes link) is an excellent “GTA like” game for the iPhone. And by “excellent” I mean the one and only time the game actually started and graced me with it’s blessing of allowing me to play, it was fun. I personally was dying to get my hands on the game and when it finally arrived I wet myself. How often do I play it? NEVER. Each and every time I try and play, it crashes. Yes, I’ve rebooted/restarted and it still crashes EVERY time. I liked what little bit of the game I played but until the whole crashing shit gets fixed, I’m not touching it. 

 

AppNapp :(

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