Flower

Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

Brian Owes Me Money

I’m sure you guys remember me saying that I’m not much of a sports fan? Well, I’ve decided that I need to be one in order to fulfill my destiny of owning a penis. Am I right? As a male, I think doing “manly” things like watching sports is something that is a necessity and not something to merely pass the time. I’ve mentioned this to my friends and I guess they take me for a complete and total idiot. You see, the other day my friend Brian and I were chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool and shootin’ some b-ball outside of the school hanging out. We both have the same iPhone’s with the same cases so one could very easily mistaken them for their own. I don’t really believe this, but it could happen. Anyways, Brian mistakenly downloaded two applications on my phone, believing he was doing so on his own phone.

Break The Book (iTunes) is a pretty sweet app that lets you place bets on professional sports games. You can bet on the Spread, Over/Under and the Money Line. Michael, please explain all of this you demand. HELL NO! This means absolutely nothing to me. I’ve never been a big sports fan much less bet on any games. But because I never say no to danger put my phone down for less than 5 minutes, I thought I’d give it a shot. And I ended up having horrible luck on the games I bet on but, I did end up winning one out of pure coincidence.

I tried using all of the little numbers the app provides and just “going with it” and I would have won enough money to supply grandma with a weeks worth of vodka…had I actually placed a bet. I’m gonna give it a shot again this weekend and hopefully, I’ll figure it all out. It’s fun to place bets and make invisible wages if you consider yourself easily amused like I do, so you may wanna give it a shot.

Another app my dear friend Brian took upon himself to download on my phone was ESPN Radio (iTunes). It does what it’s name implies…plays sports radio broadcasts. To me, again, this is useless. But to some, it may be pure gold. If I was an avid sports fan and wanted to listen to a game I can’t get in my neighborhood, this application is perfect. I’ve even found that I enjoy hearing what them “big city folk” are listening to. You see, in my neck of the woods, we only get broadcasts from 1938. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to pry a shotgun from my dear sweet grandmother’s hands each time The War of The Worlds is broadcasted. I can have a perfect day at work doing Kate Beckinsale’s gardening only to come home to my grandmother standing on the kitchen table, shotgun in hand with a metal pot almost covering her entire face ordering me to “pray to whatever tentacle alien god” I believe in to “save me from the venomous wrath of her 3rd arm of destruction” (I assume she means her shotgun when she says this. I’ve asked her sober and she just mumbles something about spaghetti and why Nascar reminds her of Halloween. I don’t know.). If you like sports or are simply tired of listening to the same crap on the radio, check it out.

AppAttack :D

Push It Real Good

I’m not really a sports fan and I blame my childhood. Most likely when I ask you to imagine what I look like, the majority of you think of me as a small, scrawny guy wearing Calvin and Hobbes boxers, with a five o’clock shadow living behind his grandmother’s house in a van. And you’re right. I’m not what you call the “athletic type”…never have been. Being a scrawny kid I often got picked on in school. So, to play any kind of physical activity with the very same people who beat me black and blue was and is utterly ridiculous. But in the end the jokes on my enemies of course. I’ve created a special device that allows you to detect when your dog or cat farts. A small “beep” sound is emitted from the device, therefore allowing you to literally say, “the dog did it” when your loved ones start gagging and pointing fingers.

SportsTap (iTunes) is a free application that allows you to keep up with a plethora of sport scores. From golf to baseball to football to toad licking, it’s all there. Recently the developer has integrated using the Push notification bullshit and it kicks ass! I’m trying to get into baseball (don’t know if I’ll stick around with it…too many damn games) and I almost instantly receive scores. It’s great because not all games are on television or I’m busy doing what North Dakota people call “work”. I’m really looking forward to college football this year. College football = Fall weather = Holidays = One Happy Camper.

AppAttack :D

(For those curious about the above pic, I’m a jailbreaker that uses StatusNotifier to let me know if I have any mail, txts, calls…etc. thus the cute little “mail” icon at the top)

Wimp

 

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t like sports. I don’t care about watching some men run around with a ball trying to make more points than some other men running around with said ball. Why would I care if they win or lose? That’s been my attitude pretty much throughout my life. Maybe after being picked on one too many times in P.E. class I’m a little bitter? Or the fact that all the girls swooned over the “jocks” at my school, never giving me the time of day (they still don’t actually…maybe I need a different strategy? Or maybe I should simply wear pants in public? Hmm). These girls would all lose their virginity to some dude that could catch/throw a ball. BIG DEAL!!! The same guy that, years later, would go bald and gain 400 pounds. If you’re still in school and you’re reading this remember: The most popular girl in your school that makes you wet yourself each time she farts will IN FACT be ugly 5-10 years from now. You laugh when I say this but trust me. Same goes for the guys…”Mr. Cool” that all the ladies love and that gives you wedgies while talking about screwing your mother will gain a thousand pounds and a bald spot you can see from the Space Station. So guys: keep an eye on the “ugly betty’s” in your school…they’ll be knockouts when they go to college. And ladies: keep your pants on when “Mr. Cool” tries to win you over by being the man you’ve always wanted. He may be now but he won’t be later. Anyways…what the fuck was I talking about? OH YEAH…sports!! Like I said, I’ve never been a sports fanatic. But this year I’ve decided to give sports another shot and baseball is the one I’ve chosen. I picked up At Bat (iTunes link) because before the baseball season kicked off, the developer promised in-game audio and they delivered on all accounts. You can choose which announcer to listen to and catch up on all the games you’re missing at work or on the go. I’ve gotta few errands to run so I’ll be listening to the Giants vs Nationals game while flipping off old ladies in traffic this afternoon. Why the Giants? I don’t know shit about them but (as you know) I love San Francisco so that’s the team I’ve chosen to go with. Suck it.

 

AppAttack :D  

Aqua Baller

 

The following is a rather gross story you may prefer to go without. I don’t blame you. It’s a story that I’m using to get a point of cross so continue if you’d like.

 

(more…)

Touchgrind

 

I hate skateboarders.
(more…)

Boxing is better

 

Everyone I know LOVES the UFC. They think of it as the next sport to beat boxing and that boxing is a thing of the past. As always I disagree and we all end up in the parking lot fighting hardcore style, with fists in the air, cats meowing and girlfriends crying. You don’t wanna be there my friend. It’s tough. If you’re strong enough you can see a video here, but be warned….it gets brutal.  

(more…)

Retro

If you haven’t noticed already, I’m a nerd. I’ve always been a nerd. Who EVER enjoyed P.E? I didn’t. And I didn’t (still don’t) like sports. The only sports I played growing up were on my Gameboy. And I was the star athlete, hookin’ up with all the hot cheerleaders (in my head, I know). (more…)

Attention Developers!

If you have created an iPhone Application and would like me to review it, please send me an email. I’ll gladly buy your App and give it a review. The ONLY expense you’ll pay is my honest review :) . (Or, if you’d like for me to give you personal feedback via private emails, I will be glad to do so as well). I downloaded the SDK myself, in hopes of developing the App of my dreams and it all went down the crapper. I understand how hard programming can be so I’ll be nice.

Gone Fishin’

My day couldn’t have been any better. I was about to write how there’s seldom any new games out but lo and behold, the ONE game I have been waiting for FINALLY appeared!! :) Ever since I saw the video for Flick Fishing I was excited from the start. I’ve tried the other fishing games and I simply don’t like’em. Perhaps this game fits in with my self proclaimed ADD? They’re good games but there’s a little too much info for me…I just want to cast my rod and fish (and get that fish fairly quickly). (more…)

Futbol!!!

 

Real Soccer 2009 is a game I have but I never play it. I bought it a long time ago when it was $10 and I…hmm? What’s that? Really? You say it’s STILL ten dollars? But, I bought it a long time ago…like I said. Seriously? Ten bucks STILL?! Alright…if you say so. I bought it a long recently  yesterday next Wednesday  when I bought it, and it costs me ten US dollars. It’s a very well made game. It has the names of real players (I think, I don’t know all of them), it has good controls and the sound effects are brilliant. The crowd roars, they sing songs, you can hear when players head-butt each other in the face and see blood pouring from their nose, it’s a really neat game. (more…)

You are currently browsing the archives for the Sports category.