Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Where’d You Go, Psycho Boy?

Without sounding like your average 8 year old child, screaming and crying after being denied a piece of candy at your local grocery store (kids are pussies these days), I won’t throw a bitch-fit here in explaining why I haven’t updated my site for so long. I will however, say that I got burned out. Burned out at what? Fondling yourself on someone’s front doorstep while ringing their doorbell incessantly only to run away when they answer? No, are you kidding me?! That NEVER gets old. I got burned out on apps. When you run a significant life affirming website like this, you receive hundreds if not thousands of emails a day, asking you to review their iPhone application (OK, maybe not that many). Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take any promo codes you wanna give me. What I got tired of was the “bribes” of putting a certain bias towards applications/games that just weren’t that good. Not all developers take the low road but some do and it made me think differently of all the websites I visit to learn about apps I would like to purchase. Say whaaat? You mean to tell me you read other reviews besides your own to find out if an app is worth buying? Sadly, I do. I know this website is the #1 most popular iPhone app related website in the entire world and that some have even left their alcoholic, drug induced, prostitute loving lifestyle behind after visiting here only once but yes, there are other websites regarding iPhone applications. So, without complaining anymore (and because I need to go clean up the spaghetti I left in Grandma’s pillowcase) know that any application I approve of here is from the heart and not because someone told me to like it. That’s why I started this website in the first place.

AppAttack :D


If you visit this site often, looking forward to riotous laughter each and every day, then I apologize. Lately, there hasn’t been anything worth writing about. Well, the last couple of days there seems to be more and more apps coming out so I’m not completely being honest. What I’d like to say is that I know what it’s like when you check on a website to see if anything new has come about, only to be disappointed when the dumbass website owner hasn’t done shit. Bare with me. I have a pretty nice article I’m working on that I hope to have out by this weekend. What that means is that if I were you, I would come back tomorrow. Go ahead and spend today digging around your other favorite websites. See? What other website tells you that there won’t be anything new for a little while? That’s iPhoneAppAttack for ya…leading the World Wide Web in new and revolutionary ways. Just watch…other websites will take my lead.

AppAttack :D

Cold Case

What up homeslice?! Where ya at and how ya been?! That’s how I always answer my phone…even if it’s Grandma calling. She always giggles coyly and then proceeds to tell me how useless I am and that it’s my fault she’s outta vodka. It’s usually at this time that I simply turn around and pour her another drink. She always calls me back to apologize and tells me that she didn’t mean it. Again, I just turn around in my little chair and give her a pat on the head. Anyways, I’ve been out with a darn cold/flu/crap lately so I haven’t had just a whole lot of time to mess around with the App Store. I did in fact download Doom Classic (iTunes) because I have fond memories of it growing up. I would get home from school, slap on the ol’ Sega 32X and blast away at demonic entities to relieve all the stress that comes with Middle School. And it helped. The iPhone port is just as good. I highly recommend it. Today, however, I wanted to tell you about a product. I often get emails asking, “Hey what case do you have on your iPhone? PS: I made roast beef tonight so you better come join me. You can bring Muffins IF you bring vodka as well. Love ya!”. So to answer all of your questions, I use a Speck CandyShell case. It’s one solid chunk of kick ass plastic that covers almost the entire phone and has two gut wrenching layers of protection. It’s easy to take off for cleaning not to mention, it slides in and out of your pocket like honey dripping from a bee’s ass. I love it. If you’ve spent thousands of dollars on cases and are still not satisfied, wake your dumbass up and pick up a CandyShell…you’ll thank me.

AppAttack :D

Scream Real Loud

Today is Saturday. That is a fact. Back in the day when I lived indoors I would watch Saturday morning cartoons. Usually from 7AM until around 10AM at about what time all the good shows were done and the rest was just a bunch of crap that trickled into the afternoon news. It was almost as if the tv had it’s throat cut. All the good shows gushed out in the early morning and by noon, the tv was dead. Today’s cartoons suck (I don’t have a tv so I don’t know this to be a fact, but I did overhear some kids riding by on scooters claim that cartoons do in fact suck). I feel a little sorry for today’s parents. I don’t know what they do on weekends without the sweet siren of Saturday morning cartoons luring their children into a zombie-like state of distraction. I assume they just wake up early with the kids and sit around the living room discussing why television sucks on the weekends? Maybe they award their kids stickers or small toys if the child can come up with a conclusive answer to this riddle? I don’t know. I’m not even up before noon on Saturdays. The reason I’m talking about all of this shit is because early this morning for some reason or another (probably because Muffins farted in my face) I thought of Garfield. Once I started thinking of Garfield I started to remember that he use to have a Halloween special I haven’t seen in ages. Having detective skills like Humphrey Bogart, I quickly began researching the long forgotten cartoon and came upon this website:

Garfield Halloween Special (and MORE!)

BUT the real special part of all my hard work is that there are not only the Garfield Halloween show but several other Halloween shows as well! Look on the sidebar to the left and you’ll see what I’m talking about. For now I’m going to go heat up this pizza I found on the curb and sit back and wish I was young again. Enjoy!

AppAttack :D

Bahh, bahhh, ba, ba, ba, bahhh

If you couldn’t figure out the topic of this post, then you must be tone-deaf because it clearly is the song, “Monday, Monday” by The Mamas & The Papas (iTunes). Anyways, I forgive you for not having superior knowledge of music like yours truly. Speaking of tone-deaf here’s a hilarious video of two cats that a dear friend showed me this afternoon while I was waiting in line for my midmorning cotton candy fix:

Cat Betrayed Girlfriend

I think I did it right…I’m still trying to figure out how to use the internet so just click on the bastard if there’s no video. I’ll get back on the topic of applications soon…I just thought this may cheer ya up. I’m cool like that.

AppAttack :D

Man in the Mirror

I get asked possibly 1 & 1/2 times a year, “Michael, WHAT do you look like? With such literary genius and comical prose, you MUST be the best looking man in the entire world? Is this true?”. Honestly, I don’t think I’m too ugly. I was in fact voted “Best Looking Grandson” at our 2003 family reunion AND to this day Grandma tells me I’m “the most handsome boy she’s ever known despite what the ladies at the hair salon say”. So, yeah I’m not too ugly I guess. So that my Inbox doesn’t get flooded like the summer of 2006 I thought I’d post a picture of me for you all to see. It’s a simple snapshot of the one I use for my Twitter account.

What do you think? I’ll admit, it was done by a professional photographer down in Austin, Texas. Me and my brother decided to have our picture taken at a party and this was our “serious” pose. I actually know how to smile I just decided not to moments before this photo was taken. Yes, denim jackets are no longer in style so don’t even try to email me about it (Kathy, you stupid asshole). Ahh, whom I kidding? The above picture was photoshopped to death. Here’s an honest picture of what I look like (NSFW):


Perfect Strangers

MY GOSH!!!! It’s been busy as hell around here. I thought you lived in a van behind your grandmother’s house, how busy could you possibly be, you ask? Well, besides telling you about apps that I find worth your fancy, I also have a day job. Well…I say “job”. All I really do is putt around on a scooter shooting people who don’t pick up their dog’s shit with a slingshot, but still I consider work no less. It’s like your job is any better….asshole. Anyways, I have several apps that I’ve delved deeply into (when I have the time) recently and would like to tell you all about them so check back soon. (If you’ve come here each day since August, cussing my name for not telling you anything new, THANKS!! I appreciate you readers who check on me from time to time). Hell, Grandma hasn’t brought me any macaroni & cheese for TWO WEEKS now?! Come to think of it, last time I saw her I gave her a box of vodka to celebrate her receiving a trophy at her local bowling league. Maybe I should check on her? See ya soon!!

Interior Decorating

Hey, wassup?! This past weekend went by too quickly…and I didn’t even do anything?! I think a holiday is around the corner so I can’t complain too much, I guess. That being said, I have a lot of crap I gotta do today that I didn’t do this weekend SO, very quickly, I’ll point you in another direction. Perhaps as a way of distracting you for the time being until I tell you about a few apps that helped me blow off said past weekend. Are you like me where you change your wallpaper every time your neighbor’s dog farts? If so, click here. I stumbled across this site a few days ago. It’s chockfull of wallpapers and I’m sure you’ll find one you like. Speaking of…what do you think these clouds look like? I’ll tell you what I think…


For My Lone Friend

Like I said earlier this week, I like to check on the ol’ Google Analytics to see if Nathum ever visits this site anymore. He hasn’t this week but I don’t blame him. Apparently his dad bought his stepmom a pool so I’m sure Nathum is in the bushes playing with his cack n’ balls (free snow cone for the first person to name where I got that phrase from ;-) ). Anyways, out of boredom this morning I was digging through the keywords that people have used that brought them here. One lone person was searching for “Marilyn Manson with iPhone”. I too have been curious when I saw this picture:

Is it an iPhone? I think it is due to the metallic-looking rim and that little button on the top left. If it is an iPhone, notice how Manson doesn’t use a case…a true rock and roll star.

AppAttack :D

Hey Wassup?!

Hey Nathum, what’s going on?! How ya been?! I ran into your mom the other day at the grocery store. She said she was picking up some over the counter medicine for your penisifus infection (was she being cute or serious? What is penisifus?!). I hope that shit clears up soon man, sorry to hear about that. I said to myself, “DAMN Nathum’s mom is HOT!” and then I realized that’s your dad’s new girlfriend. So I must say, “DAMN Nathum’s stepmom is HOT!”. How many times do you “accidentally” walk in on her in the shower? Be honest, man, you can tell me. LOL! Speaking of hot, how’s your sister? Did she ever call it quits with Derek? I’m single BTW….let her know! Bro’s before Ho’s as they say. You ever run into Greg? I wonder how he’s doing? Rumor has it Greg is now Gina…isn’t that some crazy shit?!! Well, anyways, thanks for visiting my website. I appreciate the fact that you come here at least once a month. Call me some time and we’ll go grab some beers!! Peace out bro!!

Alright, to the best of my knowledge, more than one person checks out this site every now and then. The above paragraph is me being silly. Who would name their kid Nathum anyways?! To see how many people enjoy reading my little nuggets of chocolatey goodness I use Google Analytics. It’s pretty useful and at times, depressing. I told you not ONE person from North Dakota has been here, didn’t I? Google has an app that does the same thing called Google Analytics (iTunes) That isn’t the exact name of the app but I’m not going to type it all out for you. Just click on the link…it’s horribly long. If you have a website and use Google Analytics, the app works just as well. There’s also a free version to check out if you don’t have any money.

AppAttack :D

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