Applications are no different than masturbation. We all do it, but we seldom share the fact. Sure, it’s fun to joke about or laugh at when seen in a movie or to hear a friend’s personal story. But when it comes down to it (no pun intended…wait, this is my site so I CAN have a pun intended so take it. Yeah, that’s right, take it. Who’s your daddy? whoah whoah WHOAH!!! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get off (dammit…did it again) on a tangent. But my point is, all of us download applications to our phone and we seldom show our friends. Maybe for a minute or two, but in all honesty, we want our phones back from their greasy little vasoline covered digits because we know, in our heart of hearts, we know they’re gonna drop the damn thing and bring our world to an end.


When I found out Redwind Software had created a music trivia game I was about as excited as you were the first time you saw a Playboy. As you know (because you’re faithful to this site which sits lovingly in your bookmark folder) I was a big fan of their Movie Challenge (iTunes) game. It was perfect for parties and definitely great to pass around while killing time at a friend’s house. (On a side note, I admire how the developers consistently updated Movie Challenge. It was their “baby” and they treated it with a whole bunch of love. I tip my hat to you, Redwind Software). Music Challenge (iTunes) is just as great, if not better than Movie Challenge. What makes you say that? And why are you talking about masturbation? you ask. I’ll answer the former.

Music Challenge gives you the opportunity to use your own music as trivia questions. The first time you see the game ask you about Starflyer 59 (the absolute best rock band…EVER) you’ll pass out in line at the grocery store. I know I did. You must have a fairly large library in order for this to work but when it does, it’s fricken sweet. I also like how the difficulty of the game changes with each round. One round (as seen above) I couldn’t get one answer right, another round I was like John Cusack in High Fidelity. The overall variety of the game is what it makes it an instant download in my opinion. For long distant car rides, this game would be perfect to keep you busy. And I’ll say it again, if you’re a socialite like me who attends wine tasting parties each night of the week (it’s hard living in Hollywood) then this is a great party app. Friends of all ages can play it (unless you have the absolute shittiest taste in music, in which your iPhone/iPod Touch should be dropped. Yeah, I said it). If you enjoyed Movie Challenge or just trivia games in general, be sure to pick up Music Challenge too. For now, I’m gonna go look up some “stuff” on the internet before Grandma gets back from happy hour.

AppAttack

CONGRATULATIONS!!! To all you new iPhone 3G S owners who’ve stumbled across this site by accident. You probably won’t be back and will ignore my phone calls but I’ll always remember when we first met. You mean the most to me and I want what’s best for both of us. I don’t know what I’m saying half the time. Anyways, I started this site awhile back because I had an unhealthy obsession with iPhone applications. I like/love talking about them so to save my family and friends the annoyance of, “hey, look at this”, I write here. Dig around and if you like whatever applications I’ve recommended (AppAttack ) or not liked (AppNapp ) then maybe I can help you have fun with your new phone. Again, congratulations and I’m proud of ya!!!

*Take the majority of what I say with a grain of salt. I’m seldom ever serious here. Unless I’m talking about shaving Vanilla Ice patterns in the heads of squirrels.

This morning when I woke up I really needed to piss and so I did…then I stopped. When I was eating breakfast I began chewing my granola bar…then I stopped. I was driving down the street to work…I stopped. When Glenda (our secretary) asked me how my morning was I told her about half a paragraphs worth…then stopped. When the first call of the morning came through, I picked up the phone and as I began moving it to my ear…I stopped. See where I’m going with this? Car Jack Streets (iTunes link) is an excellent “GTA like” game for the iPhone. And by “excellent” I mean the one and only time the game actually started and graced me with it’s blessing of allowing me to play, it was fun. I personally was dying to get my hands on the game and when it finally arrived I wet myself. How often do I play it? NEVER. Each and every time I try and play, it crashes. Yes, I’ve rebooted/restarted and it still crashes EVERY time. I liked what little bit of the game I played but until the whole crashing shit gets fixed, I’m not touching it. 

AppNapp

I live in Texas. No, I’m not bragging when I say this. In fact, I’m ashamed. Don’t get me wrong, there are in reality, some decent cities in this state. But there are also black holes, void of any intelligence, culture, progressive thinking, religious understanding or common politeness to your fellow man. Then again, maybe everywhere is like that, I just never leave Grandma’s trailer to find out?

Go Jeffrey, GO!!!

Pee Monkey (iTunes link) is a simple tilt game, in which you move your device left and right while a monkey (who clearly has a bladder unlike anything else that walks this earth) emits piss from his little wee wee into a toilet. His sister also cheers him on and gets angry when he misses. If you piss all around the bathroom, it fills up, inching ever so close to the electric socket, causing instant death. What I found funny about this game is that the soundtrack is country music. Not like Carrie Underwood “country” (which isn’t country to begin with), but more like “barnyard” country. My guess is the developer’s ideal target audience is half the state of Texas…they’re right.

AppNapp    

Now that I’m a young, hip bachelor, I have to say that the single life hasn’t been too bad so far. Sure, it’s a different pace of life than I’m use to but I can’t say I don’t like it. For example, here’s what an average day in my life looks like:

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…was the all time best running show on television I have ever watched. And the only thing it has to do with this post is that Tony was in the mob and there’s a game called iMob you need to pick up. It’s somewhat similar but not anywhere close to Loot Wars, a game I’ve been playing almost every day since it’s release. My dear Twitter friends ChillerONE and Kurasu (follow’em…they’re awesome!) helped me discover this game. And as of now, the game needs some pretty big updates to get it just right. But I say pick it up, because it has the potential of being a really fun multiplayer game. (I know, I know…there’s another game I thought had great potential but I was wrong. Maybe this time I’ll be right?). It’s one of those games to keep on your phone so when the update comes, you’ll be set to go. For those playing:

My name in the game is: kingkill33

And my friend code is: 100337680

(While looking through iMob, I also realized my friend flooberz is also on our team of tough guys…follow him as well! They’re all great friends!! And please feel free to email me your friend code if you want!!)

I’ve told you many times that I think I have ADD. So much so, that I’ve diagnosed myself with having it, not seeing any doctor or anything like that…I simply decided one day to tell myself that I have ADD. At first I was shocked and then I began wondering how rock candy was made and forgot about the whole thing.

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As you can see, I rarely give any application what iPhone Gaming International Magazine* calls the “dreaded AppNapp  review” most developers fear. Why? Because many developers work hard on their applications and it’d be mean to tell them how shitty it is. Sure, it’d be truthful, but it’d also be mean.

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They say the holiday season is depressing for many people. I know exactly what they mean…

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Remember that song? It’s a classic…I sing it all the time in the shower. Today, as I struggled between whether or not I was coming down with a cold (I think I am…or maybe not?), I started thinking of all the applications I have downloaded. Much like when you see a new litter of kittens, puppies or mice, you’d like to have one but then you remember your old, boring cat/dog/mouse at home and you get all warm inside. That’s how I felt about the hundreds of applications I have downloaded thus far. Seeing that, I hope to tell you more about older apps that may actually be better apps now that they’ve had so many freakin’ updates. I’ll still bring your attention to new releases but sadly, there’s not many new ones out that are even worth writing about. For example, iPuppy is the weirdest application I’ve come across. You play the part of a camera that goes around in circles over a freaky looking chihuahua that has an entire room to itself. I never had a room to myself growing up. I had to share it with seven other siblings…which I wasn’t even related to! One day after delivering the family their newspaper I decided the mom was hot so I moved in with’em. I came to breakfast one morning completely nude, hoping to catch the mother’s eye and apparently her oldest son (32) didn’t think I was too clever. It was good while it lasted…