My X Girlfriend (sadly, I can’t say iTunes because this app comes and goes depending on what mood Apple is in at the moment) was/is(?) an application in which you can send in pictures of your ex-girlfriend. The majority of what I’ve seen are fairly raunchy but not anything too nasty like you’d find with the Internet app (*cough*cough*). For example:

Not too bad, eh? I will warn you and say some are actually pretty racy but what do you expect with an application solely designed to embarrass your ex? My one and only complaint I have with this app is that the developers refuse to publish pictures I’ve sent in of my ex-girlfriend. For example, they sent me an email saying, “Dear Sir. We will not publish a picture of a chair but thank you.” Or another one I sent where my girl was in the shower and looking pretty damn hot along with another one where she was shaving her legs, the idiots replied, “Dear Sir. Why did you take a picture of a running shower? And why fill up your bathtub with no one in it?”. Stupid morons. This one picture I have of my ex was taken just after we “got busy”…it was HOT! Again, the numb nuts replied to my email with, “Dear Sir. Your bedroom looks awfully clean. We’re glad you know how to make your bed”. You know, come to think of it…I’ve never had a girlfriend. Hmm.

AppAttack

I get asked possibly 1 & 1/2 times a year, “Michael, WHAT do you look like? With such literary genius and comical prose, you MUST be the best looking man in the entire world? Is this true?”. Honestly, I don’t think I’m too ugly. I was in fact voted “Best Looking Grandson” at our 2003 family reunion AND to this day Grandma tells me I’m “the most handsome boy she’s ever known despite what the ladies at the hair salon say”. So, yeah I’m not too ugly I guess. So that my Inbox doesn’t get flooded like the summer of 2006 I thought I’d post a picture of me for you all to see. It’s a simple snapshot of the one I use for my Twitter account.

What do you think? I’ll admit, it was done by a professional photographer down in Austin, Texas. Me and my brother decided to have our picture taken at a party and this was our “serious” pose. I actually know how to smile I just decided not to moments before this photo was taken. Yes, denim jackets are no longer in style so don’t even try to email me about it (Kathy, you stupid asshole). Ahh, whom I kidding? The above picture was photoshopped to death. Here’s an honest picture of what I look like (NSFW):

(more…)

Alright, I think out of all the posts I’ve written, Twitter and Twitter apps are the most spoken about. Thanks to the 3.0 update (and because I’m a former jailbreaker) I decided to start from scratch and get rid of all that was from my phone. Around the same time I made the decision, TweetDeck (iTunes link) stuck it’s head out of the groundhog anus it was buried in (yeah, I don’t know what I mean either). And the more I mess around with it, the more it’s deserving my love and affection. Inside the application, you can make different columns (if you have more than one Twitter account, if not, it makes the columns for you). You can see what everyone is saying, people who have mentioned you and direct messages to you. Some people claim it crashes a lot but I haven’t had this problem. The only problem I’ve had is that I’m pretty sure you have to be connected via Wifi or 3G to really make it work properly. I’m still using Tweetie (iTunes link) when out and about….gotta stay faithful to the cow you came home with.

AppAttack

Spring is beginning to poke it’s large, flower fragranced head around and it makes me feel warm inside. With my new job I tend to travel a lot so with pleasant weather, comes safe travels. I love the spring time.
(more…)

“Not To Tweet” doesn’t apply here, folks. Tweeting is my most recent obsession (besides shaving Vanilla Ice like designs on squirrels heads) and it should be yours as well. I often receive emails saying, “Michael, I wake up covered in goo sometimes during the night. Is something wrong with me?”. I also get a few emails telling me, “What up homeslice?! I tried Twitter and that shit is lame. I’ll no longer be following whatever the hell you’re doing but I’ll definitely be reading your site, where I can find all the latest news regarding all things app related!” (yes, I added a little to it, but hey, sometimes lying makes you feel better about yourself). Many people try to tweet and then abandon it altogether. SO, I’ve decided to offer some advice for those new to the world of Twitter.

(more…)

When you live with family, particularly the elderly, it’s important to keep in touch on a frequent basis. I’ve spent the last two weeks teaching Grandma how to send text messages for times that I can’t talk on the phone or if she simply needs to send me a short message. For being close to 80 years old (and having arthritis) I must tell you she’s pretty good at sending’em. Here’s a little conversation we had this past Sunday…

(more…)

(For the record: I’m writing this via my iPhone. I highly recommend the Wordpress app if you run a Wordpress blog. I only rarely use it because I like adding links and pictures…I’m just not that smart…yet). I mentioned earlier (later for those reading these from top to bottom) that when it comes to daydreaming, I’m the best of the best. What distracts me from daydreaming when not even tv can stop my ever thinking mind? Movies. I LOVE movies. I can watch a movie and not think of anything…ANYTHING else. They’re that powerful. Tonight I’ve decided to watch Wanted. Besides the Fight Club wannabe beginning, so far, it’s been fun. I’ll reply to this post after the show to let ya know my opinion.

Like most people with an iPhone, when you talk, I’m not listening. I’m busy typing away a text message, zooming in on Heidi Klum’s body, playing a game, checking stocks, looking for the right wallpaper or blogging…which I’m doing now. WordPress is a mobile version of the blogging website. You can access your most recent posts (old ones too) and you can create new ones, like I’m doing now. Sad part is, the customer talking to me right now thinks I’m busy typing an email to their client (who’s suing them for indecency with a sandwich)…and I’m NOT!! Hahahaha!! I’m blogging beyotch!! I’m also not a lawyer…

AppAttack

Ever wonder what your friends are doing and where they’re at? Maybe your girlfriend promised you she’s NOT going to the strip club with Megan and Kelly (bitches)…that she’ll be at the library studying for Monday’s test? But deep down inside you KNOW she’s going to the strip club (partially because Megan is a whore AND the fact that you found a stack of ones on the kitchen table). (more…)

This is one of the most lame ass applications I know of. It’s an iPhone version of the Twitter website. I tried this awhile back but just didn’t care for it. I didn’t care that Jill was at the bakery. I didn’t care that Uncle Robert was flashing himself on the playground (again). I didn’t care. But after giving it some thought, I DO care. “But why?!” you ask in disbelief. (more…)