If you’re like me (and about half of the world’s population) you find sites that add stupid captions to stupid pictures…stupid. It’s not that they’re not trying, it’s just that they’re not trying. They aren’t funny or cute and I downright can’t stand’em. Maybe I have a thing against other people’s pets or maybe I just hate illiterate bastards (”But Michael…I just read a dozen of your posts and you have the worst grammar I’ve ever seen. Haven’t you heard of Spell Check you moron?” I know, I know…STFU). What’s “cute” in your head doesn’t translate in the real world so don’t even try. For example:

The above is a photograph I took of Muffins last summer (with my iPhone 3G by the way…not bad, huh?). Maybe one or two of you found this “cute” or funny in that stupid way I talked about earlier. The rest of you would like to punch my face in. I understand. Now, let me try it again…

Better? Of course it is! Because I’m not trying to sound like a elementary student on crack. “STFU and get to the review” you say? Alright, I was able to make the above pic with an application called, iLOLZ (iTunes). The real beauty about this application is that I can put WHAT I WANT for a caption. And the possibilities are endless…it doesn’t always have to be about your stupid pet. In fact, I’ve got a bachelor party this weekend I have to go to and believe me, my friends will be embarrassed the proper way on Facebook* If you’re looking for a fun, photo annotator to charm your girlfriend, impress your grandmother or shame your friends for the lousy sons of bitches they truly are, pick up iLOLZ.

AppAttack

*Version 1.1 now supports landscape mode so the naughty pictures I plan to take of strippers on stage should go swimmingly this weekend.

Alright, I’m not the most intelligent person when it comes to a website. But I’m going to see if I can embed a video because I have nothing else better to do. Wanna go to the mall?

(It’s a video of a dog walking in it’s sleep…both sweet and funny at the same time, like the ass of a bumblebee. Thanks to my bro for helping me figure this out!!!)

Alright, we all know television was created pretty much to distract you and keep your mind numb as well as encourage you to buy things you don’t need. There’s even a movie that preaches how crappy it is here (iTunes link, btw). Anyways, last night as I was bored to tears and somehow, desperately trying to entertain myself via television, this ad came on. Around the 10 second mark he says, “GAY or night”. Listen to it, then listen to it again and you’ll hear what I’m talking about. If you even watch his mouth, it appears he’s pronouncing a “g” and not a “d”. I could be wrong but I think it’s subliminal advertising. SHIT!! Muffins is taking a dump in my tinfoil hat…gotta go!!

As you can tell, there have been few new posts mentioned recently. Fear not my loyal reader! I have plenty in store for you in the next few days/weeks to follow. I’m currently wanting to “mix up” this site a little so that there will be more content for your viewing pleasure. Got any questions or suggestions? Hit me up on Twitter or send an email to the team here at iPhoneAppAttack!! (…five minutes later and I can’t get the email link working…how about some good ol’ copy & paste for you?

iphoneappattack@gmail.com

As always, I love hearing from you and hope all is well!!

Take care,

Michael

If you’re actually reading this, then most likely you have a completely odd sense of humor that none of your friends can understand. Thanks for stopping by and keep up the good work!! Having said that, check out the album Incredibad by The Lonely Island. I know a few of the tracks are from SNL but I don’t watch SNL (Saturday Night Live) so I found them hilarious. I’ve listened to the album a few times while cruising down the block in my six four and I can almost guarantee you people were laughing at me, laughing at the songs at stop lights. It’s pretty damn funny…check it out!! (For example, sample “I’m On a Boat”…the idea of doing flips on a dolphin had me in tears). 

AppAttack

Yesterday I found a Valentine card from my niece Caroline (2nd grader at Oswalt Elementary) on my grandma’s recliner in the front yard. I’d like to scan it and show it to you but unfortunately, Muffins pissed all over my scanner Monday when the mailman rang the doorbell.
(more…)

Last week, me and my girlfriend of 4 and 1/2 years decided to breakup. We both agreed our relationship wasn’t going anywhere and it’d be best if we parted. I wanted a monkey that I could teach how to throw shit at guests and she wanted marriage. Apples and oranges.
(more…)

For Christmas this year Santa brought me a sty (maybe sty’s are the new “coal”?). It’s frickin’ annoying and I look even more ugly than I normally do. Seriously, instead of people just looking away when I’m in public, they now look away and throw up. Embarrassing. Check out this video I found on how to treat a sty. Hilarious isn’t it?! Watch when step #3 roles around…you’d think they would have said, “Peggy, spit your gum out before we shoot”. She’s probably some crazy diva rockstar bitch. Also note the doctor…he looks like he’s about to kick the patient’s ass. Good stuff!

(more…)

Since the tender age of eight, I’ve had a unique fondness for underwater cave exploration.
(more…)

My dear brother helped me fix my WordPress setup so in the very near future I can provide you with more images to go along with my posts. So to Jonathan I say, Thanks! and I look forward to providing some better screenshots for all of you. In fact, read my Backgrounds post and I’ll show you my wallpaper that I find nifty. Talk to you soon and thanks again bro!!